When I was pregnant, and especially early on before I started to show, I had a hard time with the question, "Do you have children?" I felt like, do I tell them I have one on the way and then dread the "happy baby" comments like, "Do you know if it's a boy or girl?" "Girls are so much fun!" "I bet you are so excited for your first child!" "Have you started the nursery?" or... would I just simply say, "No, not yet, " to avoid the hurt I felt hearing these happy comments about the future of my baby? Well, I decided that I would tell people because in fact, McKinley was growing inside me and very much alive, and I was very excited about her even though I knew her fate. So, I would just smile and say, "Yes, I am very excited," and leave it at that. This was my answer, especially to strangers that I knew I would never see again.
Well, now, I thought the hard questions were over...boy was I wrong...
Of course, I still get the question, "Do you have children?" I spoke in an earlier post, Dear McKinley, about the first time someone asked me this after we lost her. I am just having trouble with the answer to this question now. There is one thing for sure, I will never, ever answer this question with a simple "no." How could I deny the precious life that I held in my arms on November 2, 2011? God was so gracious to let me borrow his sweet angel here on earth.
I need help coming up with a simple, sweet answer to this question for people who I will probably never see again, that don't need to know the full story. I want my answer to be something that makes people smile, not feel sorry for me. I don't want to be felt sorry for. It is so hard to see the look on someones face when you tell them that you lost a baby. I absolutely hate using the word "stillborn" as well. There is just something about that word that is very hard for me to hear or use (I even had the Funeral Home take this word off the Obituary). I was so blessed with my time with my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I wish she was still here with Matt and I, but I know that she is happy and very much loved in heaven.
So, if you have a suggestion for me, please let me know. I would love some help with this. Facebook message me, leave me a comment on facebook or on here, send me an email. I just need help. How can I answer this hard question with a short sentence that would make someone smile instead of frown?
6 comments:
Hey cuz love ya lots! You could politely say yes we have a child and she is in our hearts, in our minds, and watching over us every day as our guardian angel! Leave it at that and if asked what happened just say you'd rather not say. This is difficult, yes, but like you say you will never see them again so they don't need all the details!
Chris
I can't seem to put words together, but I will be praying that you find something you are at peace with sharing. Although McKinley is not in her worldy mother & father's arms, she is being held in the arms of our heavenly Father. He will have to babysit until you get there :)
Hugs xo
“I have one daughter who was born straight into heaven and in the future, I have one, two, three, four or more children here on earth with me and one in heaven waiting for the rest of us.” I really like your phrase . . . “born into heaven.”
When asked if I have grandchildren I think I will use that phrase, “I have one granddaughter, McKinley Grace who was born into heaven and waiting on the rest of the family.”
In an odd, sorta of way, we and McKinley are the lucky ones because her beautiful spirit was never subject to the pain, suffering and sin of this world.
Love you,
Mom
My daughter only lived five hours. I think of her every day. I always told people I had a beautiful daughter and "I put a lifetime of love into an instant." It was from a poem someone sent to me. I can post it if you want. It is beautiful and I have a copy of it with my daughter's picture on it. I also have a special memory chest for her. I put in anything that reminded me of her and items that were for her, but she never got to use. I often open it, look through it and think about her. It helps me feel close to her. Hope this helps. I can promise you it will get better. Rene Lara would have been 24 years old this past June.
I like "born into heaven." Anonymous - I love how you put it, "I put a lifetime of love into an instant." I am very interested in seeing other's suggestions because I lost a child as well.
Hi, a friend of mine shared your site with me in hopes that I may be able to share what I say when I get that question. We had our sweet angel on April 22, 2011. Lorelai was only 23 weeks. My husband and I understand the hurt that ya'll are going through far too well. It is extremely difficult to answer those questions, but I can assure you that it does get a little easier as time goes by.
My favorite answer I like to give now when I am asked if I have children is "No, I have something better, a sweet angel!"
If you want to chat with someone who's been in those same shoes, just let me know. You can find my info at www.lorelaislegacy.com.
I pray that ya'll will find the strength and courage you need to face those difficult questions that come your way!
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