Monday, December 5, 2011

Why? or How?

I am having a bad day.  I don't know that it's any one thing in particular.  A lot of things run through my mind on a daily basis.  I remember thinking a few months ago while on the internet that I should be researching day cares and nurseries, not funeral homes and cemeteries.  I can still have faith that everything would be okay, but I needed to be prepared in case they weren't.   It was a harsh reality for me to face, but I had to. 

Today, along the same lines, I thought,  right now I should be enjoying baby showers in honor of McKinley, not mourning the loss of her.  Things like this really hit me hard. 

A few months ago, my mom told me the story of a woman who was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer.  She told my mom that she was not going to live her life by the question of "Why?" but instead the question of "How?"  This really got me thinking about how this could relate to me.

"Why me?" is an easy thing to say when you are faced with adversity isn't it? Why did this happen to us and our daughter? The truth is that Matt and I will probably never know the answer to this question. 

"How are we going to deal with this?"  "How will we let this affect our lives?" "How can we not let this completely destroy us?"  "How can we turn this horrendous situation into something good?" "How can we help others facing similar things?"  Now these are questions that we can take control of right?

Why dwell on things that are OUT of our hands when there are things that are IN our hands?


Anonymous said...

Kalee, I wish you had said something today at the office. I know how you try to keep everything inside, but sometimes it is good to say it out loud and then know how to make a plan on "how to". You are such an amazing woman who has been thru more than your share, but you and Matt were chosen to deliver Angel McKinley into heaven. Know that you will see her again and she will be just as excited as you will be.

Miriam said...

Wow, thanks Kalee. I haven't thought about things like this, thank you for the insight. Definitely gives me a different, better way of looking at the loss of baby Mercy and Marc's mom. Both of these losses were unexpected and hard to face. Love you! Miriam

Julie Tiemann said...

That's a good word... for all of us. Thankful for you allowing us in to your heart.