Christmas

Well, as expected, Christmas day was full of emotions.  Our plans were to stop at McKinley's grave on Christmas morning and spend some time with her with a blanket and hot chocolate.  These plans came to a halt when we woke up on Christmas morning to find it raining.  Next, we left the umbrella at home...  We had to run out to her grave and place the long stem rose we bought for her and then run back to the car.  I know that her grave is just a place for her body to lay, and that she is really in heaven but being there just makes me feel close to her at times. 

Then, on facebook, I see people post pictures of  "Santa" gifts all laid out and how they were so excited for their kids to wake up to them.  I know I'll never get to do that for McKinley.  Its just hard.  Even though she was due in February, she should still be with us for Christmas.  I should still be feeling her kick around when I eat too much sugar and she should be waking me up 10 times a night to go to the bathroom. 

On the ride up to my in-laws, I hear on the radio a song that I have heard for years and it now has a completely new meaning to me...  "All I Want For Christmas Is You..."  Songs have been doing that to me lately...

I knew Christmas would be hard for me, but I do know she had a great day.  She got to spend her very first Christmas in Heaven!  What a party!!  Can you imagine celebrating Jesus' birthday in heaven??

I miss her terribly but I know that she is happy and whole, and beautiful as an angel.

Matt gave me a very special gift for Christmas this year;  a beautiful necklace with McKinley's November birthstone.  I will treasure it forever.